Tuesday, January 27, 2015

A Little Less Noise

Souls of prayer are souls
of great silence. ~ Mother Theresa

All around me, actually more inside me,
 there is this sound of hustle bustle, movement, 
hurry, swirl, the sound of my heartbeat, 
my thoughts, my fears, my prayers. 
It all gets front and center attention at some point. 
More and more, I am not ok with that.

I have only recently become aware of 
how much noise I live with.
Not the external sounds all around me,
but those internal vibes constantly running.
They leave no space for silence. 
I have recently been giving that 
some serious attention.  
Not to be alone with my thoughts, 
or even to get alone with God to pray more. 
But so that silence might emerge as active. 
Something that holds wisdom. 
Something that longs to be recognized.
Something that waits to break open. 
Something that God’s presence and
His voice might inhabit in new ways.

It's hard to hear God's voice when constantly 
pre-occupied with my own thoughts.
Every once in a while, I will share something
on my heart with Dave, certain he is listening. 
And he’ll respond with something 
that clearly indicates he was not. 
“Did you see the huge bullfrog 
sitting on that rock?” 
Seriously? I get quiet. 
I think about never sharing my heart again. 
Oh, and maybe get just a little offended.

But how many times has God been 
trying to communicate something deep 
on His heart to me and I'm busy thinking, 
“Do You remember that thing 
that happened that time with that person?"
And I’m sure He wonders how I 
could have missed His heart. Again. 
He is not in disbelief, 
nor is He maybe just a little offended. 
My thoughts of maybe never sharing 
my heart again are never His thoughts. 
His mercies towards us are new every morning.
I have been a bit apprehensive about silence.
Because, although I have always been one
who needs to be alone with God, 
I recognize I do a lot of talking.
And talking with God is awesome.
But stilling my mind before Him?
Yea, that is harder than I thought it would be.
I am taking it slow, asking myself for 
just five minutes of real silence.
A whole new set of muscles are getting trained.
After five minutes, they are already tired.

My weak and puny silence muscles
are about to become stronger.
I am looking forward to a little less noise.

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