Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Today's Surrender

Tomorrow's freedom 
is today's surrender...
"Dawn to Dusk"
All Sons and Daughters
I headed out for a run earlier and,
at some point, this song came on.
Repeat for the remainder of the run.

I will walk in freedom tomorrow
to the degree that I surrender today.
The beauty in growing spiritually is
discovering deeper levels of surrender,
which in today's language is "letting go."
I want to let go of a certain type of thinking,
thinking that has it roots in rational thought.
The path to these thoughts is so familiar
that I get there in a nanosecond.

God wants me to take my desire for
"rational" conclusions about things and trust--
not only His goodness and love--
but His mystery as well.
As I am able to hold any amount of 
pain, fear or ambiguity in tension,
I create a larger capacity for change.
He has room to make me more
compassionate, loving, and forgiving.
That I might be more a reflection of His beauty.
I always want to figure things out.
Grasping for answers leads me 
to be continually evaluating thoughts, 
circumstances, people. 
It involves judgments and conclusions.
The hardest thing to surrender
is the desire to figure it all out.
We are constantly trying to satiate the
mind’s demand for reason.
“I live, move and have my being in Him…"
after I figure out what He’s doing.

It took lots of years to get that 
system of thoughts organized.
God gave us reason, 
but He holds wisdom as mystery 
is apparently comfortable with paradox.
I get frustrated with seeming contradiction.

I want to surrender the attachment 

I have for "rational" conclusions
and be able to embrace the mystery
of His presence in all things.
"In Him I live and move
and have my being."
For real.

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