Saturday, June 28, 2014

Suddenly a Storm

Suddenly, a fierce storm struck the lake, 
with waves breaking into the boat.
 But Jesus was sleeping.
Matthew 8:24
When the disciples set out on the lake,
I am guessing the water was calm.
Maybe the sun was shining and all was well.
It says that “suddenly” a storm struck.

I just had a day like that.
I “got in the boat” in the morning and all was well.
“Suddenly” a storm struck.
You know those storms that come out of nowhere.
The ones that weren’t in the forecast,
and then, bam, roaring tides and rushing wind.

Over the past months, I have been pondering 
the words broken, letting go, imperfect, forward.
I have been allowing Jesus to show me
how to be at peace with brokenness,
how to let go of things I cannot change,
and how to find beauty in flawed things.

In the middle of a day when I was thinking
that maybe I was ok with broken,
a storm suddenly comes up.
I am confronted with a brokenness in another
that I was part of unknowingly causing.
The boat is thrashing around and
I am not ok.
As I try to figure out how what to do,
I come to two conclusions.
I know how to say I was wrong.
I don’t know how to control their response.
Because I can’t.
I ask Jesus for a large dose of mercy.
He tells me I have to be at peace.
No matter what they do.

He tells me to lie down and take a nap.
It seems the craziest thing to do.
"You stress out because you're not in control.
There is not only peace for being wronged;
My peace is also there when you are wrong.
You just have to be willing to wait in the pain."

Taking a nap in the midst of the storm
might just be where the strength comes
to live in brokenness and wait in the pain.
He still controls the wind and the waves,
and we can trust He is in the storm with us.

Trust gives me the courage I need
to be at peace in the storm.
I never realized how much courage
it would take to be at peace
with brokenness.

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