Friday, November 9, 2012

Going Back Already

There are benefits that come with age--
stepping back, wide-angle perspectives.
Being in a waiting process when younger
can seem eternal, sometimes hopeless.
Being older, you get to look back and see
everything contained in those processes.
And it doesn't seem as long as it once did.
I feel that way a little today.
Dave just surprised me with a trip to Hawaii
for our anniversary and my birthday,
like leaving tomorrow kind of surprise.
This is a super huge big deal to me.

There were years and years where I was
in a waiting process for just about everything--
It seemed no one else had to wait for anything. 
 And that included getting away.
I didn't handle any of that very well.
I played the comparison game
and usually found myself on the losing end.
Self-pity, jealousy and resentment
were fruits of an ungrateful spirit.
The Lord gradually led me out of that trap,
a somewhat long and painful process of me
finally surrendering my way to His, 
kissing the cross of His mercy.
Becoming grateful.
Fixing my eyes on Him.
Today, all I can see is His
abundant mercy and grace in my life.
And I am thrilled to have been given
this generous gift of going away.
The lens has zoomed out;
the wait doesn't seem all that long.
Twenty five years is a drop in a bucket
when the eternal perspective becomes clearer.
There are still many things I am waiting for--
both for myself and those I carry in my heart.
But I have this huge pile of promises fulfilled
that I can look at to assure my faith 
that nothing is impossible with my God.

I was just in Hawaii 25 years ago,
and I am already going back.
Some things never get old :)

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